LONG DAY AT THE BATHS

ONE
LONG DAY AT THE BATHS
Edmund "Ferret" O'Neill folded towels and watched the little, shitty, black-and-white television in the booth at Steamworks Holistic Baths. Ferret shook his head. All this crap about Walter Cronk-whatever being upset that President Ford pardoned Tricky Dick, sure, whatever. Dude, he quit, Nixon's out of there.

Why the fuck do people want him in jail? Nixon was too old and wrinkly for jail, anyway. The last time Ferret got caught in the bushes in Tunstall Park, he did thirty days at Precinct Nine, and at least there was some nice studs there.

"What's going on?" Gus looked in, smiling. "You watching the latest betrayal?"

Ferret took a drag of his Pall Mall and shook his head. "It's all bullshit, Gus, they should leave Nixon alone, you know?" Gus had to work on his sit-ups, man.Or not parade around in a bathtowel. No wonder  he didn't get laid.

"Ferret, you don't understand. This pardon means that Nixon will get his Presidential pension, all that money...it means there can be no investigation, no prosecution. No--" Gus's commie rant was interrupted as he turned to smile at a blond boy in Ray-Bans, hustling by in Speedos.

"Hi Rick,isn't it?" But the boy had no eyes (or shades) for Gus, he just wandered on.

 Ferret wondered if maybe Gus should keep his hairpiece on in the Baths.

"You know, Gus, Doctor Phibbs was in here,and he said that they all do this kind of shit, in Congress,it's just the price of getting the job done, like in that book, "The Godfather" right?" Ferret had just read "The Godfather" and had been very impressed by it.

"Doctor Phibbs is such a closet case. He'd probably have voted for  Nixon if the dude had been in favor of shooting queers, you know? I wonder if he's given the clap to his wife yet."

But finally Gus was so hypnotized by Rick-whatever's ass that he let go of the subject and staggered down the hall to jump into Steambath Number Four.

Ferret looked into the cracked mirror of his little booth,and slicked back his dark curl. He wondered if he really looked like James Dean. I gotta get out of here, these faggots are driving me crazy. But he typed like four words a minute, and didn' t like lifting heavy shit, or any shit at all.

After Ferret had been caught in that music room with Brother O'Shaughnessy, the orphanage had sent him to a head doctor, who'd told Ferret that a good, strong boy like him probably wasn't a homosexual, just inexperienced. After all, if you only ate vanilla ice cream, how would you know i f you liked chocolate?

Ferret wasn't sure. He'd been with girls, a little bit, but there's so much you can do with a guy. And they're easier to you know, hang out with. Although the fairies who hung around Steamworks, eeeh...